Foundations

Family is an incredible force in the lives of most people, whether that force is positive or negative. My family has always been my strongest rock to lean upon. It is the center of my world. My friends come in a close second. Friendship has always been important to me. People seem to stick around. Maybe that's because I'm a good friend to have, or maybe they are just loyal. I've been told that if you can count on one good friend in your life, you've done well for yourself. It wasn't until my recent difficulties that I was able to realize just how many wonderful people I have in my life, both friends and family. I've found myself examining many different areas of my life lately. I haven't, however, had to examine my friendships. They've made themselves obvious. People really do care. There is hope for the world. I'm not one to make my struggles known to a large group of my friends at once. Now that I've done just that, I see what an amazing support system I have. In nearly all of my relationships, I pride myself on being the caretaker and the protector. In recent weeks, I've had to let my guard down and start looking out for myself more. Some would say it's about time. Maybe they were just laying low until they were finally given the opportunity to jump in and help. Perhaps some of them never imagined that I would give up my stubborn ways and put out a call for assistance. Whatever the case may be, it has been overwhelming to see how many people have been there to help pick me up and point me back in the right direction. I've received books, Bible verses, prayers, phone calls, e-mails, and suggestions for churches to visit. I've finally tapped into this resource that has been waiting at the surface all these years. My tendency has always been to give but never take. Where did I come up with the notion that it would be selfish to ask for help from those who care about me? Maybe it wasn't so much that as an unwillingness to show a weaker, more human side of myself. I've been called Superwoman in the past. Maybe I felt pressure to live up to that. But even Superwoman has a weakness, perhaps many. Nobody is immune to EVERYTHING...especially not me. I was talking to Chidi the other day about how emotional I got as I was sending the blog address to the important people in my life. It was like I finally allowed myself to cry about all of this; like I was mourning the loss of part of my soul, part of my innocence, part of my strength. She said she wished she'd known it was that bad. How would she know? How could anyone have known when I didn't offer it up? That just wasn't my style. Even in writing that first entry, I didn't include the full range of emotions I endured. It feels good to be human today. I don't want to be Superwoman. I just want to be Afton--all emotions, all fears, all weaknesses, all faults, all doubts, everything that comes with being myself. Everything about me is good...because it's real, because it's ME. Talk about a life-altering lesson to learn from this experience.
"I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or better than friendship." Pietro Aretino, 1537