Walls
walls can be great...for protection, safety, security, privacy, shelter from storms
but what about emotional walls? they serve basically the same purpose...but, is it more reasonable to only have half-walls so at least someone can get past them? isn't being vulnerable actually a good thing...or at least having the ability to allow yourself to be vulnerable around someone while knowing that they would never take advantage of that vulnerability?
some of us, and i say us because i am one of these people, are so quick to build walls back up even after we've taken them down for people. it only takes the slightest hiccup in a relationship to send me back to square one where i completely close myself off from a person. that may only be mentally closing myself off and, perhaps, without the other person/people even knowing that anything went on. it can last anywhere from 30 seconds to months or even years...and there isn't necessarily one specific thing that brings the walls back down again. there are some people that i see or talk to on a very regular basis and i still have walls up against them. they may not notice it...or they may be in the same position.
on the other hand, with some people i am just defenseless. my walls aren't even strong enough to keep them out. i try to build the walls back up, but they are able to look straight through them. do i only have to allow myself to be vulnerable one time for certain people to garner this ability? there are times that i do not even finish a thought about building my walls back up before i'm dialing a person's number and taking the walls right back down. should i keep my walls up at all times with people like this so that i'm never put in the position of being defenseless? it would be exhausting to live life that way. but wouldn't it be safer...a way to prevent myself from ever being hurt or heartbroken?
what is it about walls? they seem to be manufactured in different strengths for different people in our lives. how do we decide that someone is trustworthy enough to come through the walls? is there a specific length of time that it should take for this to happen? if so, why is it instantaneous with some people? in difficult situations, why is it easier for some of us to put our walls back up and close ourselves off from the hard times while others are able to leave the walls down and completely immerse themselves in the conflict? which is the right way to handle that kind of situation?
the interesting thing here is that i know the answers to most of my own questions...yet i still act and react in very specific ways. i know a lot of that has to do with the things i talked about in my earlier entry about fighting fair. these two issues go hand-in-hand. maybe i just have to ask myself these questions at the right time to get the best answer for myself.
but what about emotional walls? they serve basically the same purpose...but, is it more reasonable to only have half-walls so at least someone can get past them? isn't being vulnerable actually a good thing...or at least having the ability to allow yourself to be vulnerable around someone while knowing that they would never take advantage of that vulnerability?
some of us, and i say us because i am one of these people, are so quick to build walls back up even after we've taken them down for people. it only takes the slightest hiccup in a relationship to send me back to square one where i completely close myself off from a person. that may only be mentally closing myself off and, perhaps, without the other person/people even knowing that anything went on. it can last anywhere from 30 seconds to months or even years...and there isn't necessarily one specific thing that brings the walls back down again. there are some people that i see or talk to on a very regular basis and i still have walls up against them. they may not notice it...or they may be in the same position.
on the other hand, with some people i am just defenseless. my walls aren't even strong enough to keep them out. i try to build the walls back up, but they are able to look straight through them. do i only have to allow myself to be vulnerable one time for certain people to garner this ability? there are times that i do not even finish a thought about building my walls back up before i'm dialing a person's number and taking the walls right back down. should i keep my walls up at all times with people like this so that i'm never put in the position of being defenseless? it would be exhausting to live life that way. but wouldn't it be safer...a way to prevent myself from ever being hurt or heartbroken?
what is it about walls? they seem to be manufactured in different strengths for different people in our lives. how do we decide that someone is trustworthy enough to come through the walls? is there a specific length of time that it should take for this to happen? if so, why is it instantaneous with some people? in difficult situations, why is it easier for some of us to put our walls back up and close ourselves off from the hard times while others are able to leave the walls down and completely immerse themselves in the conflict? which is the right way to handle that kind of situation?
the interesting thing here is that i know the answers to most of my own questions...yet i still act and react in very specific ways. i know a lot of that has to do with the things i talked about in my earlier entry about fighting fair. these two issues go hand-in-hand. maybe i just have to ask myself these questions at the right time to get the best answer for myself.
posted by Afton @ 9:41 PM
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