Attachment

Most people in my life are well aware of how important my friends are to me. I have many close friends and many acquaintances. I make friends pretty easily and become loyal very quickly, though I'm not sure that anyone really understands just how quickly I become attached. The beginning of a friendship for me is fast and furious. I want to get past all the getting-to-know-each-other stuff and get to the comfortable stage of just being friends. Unfortunately, I think that particular part of my personality may come across as overbearing and even annoying to those who are not used to a friend like me. I've had frienships in the past that started off very quickly and then suddenly changed because a person did not understand or misjudged my motives. They suddenly freaked out and ran the other direction because they weren't used to having a friend like me and they would rather retreat than ask questions. Memories of those friendships (I'm not even sure that's what they should be called) cause me to read into the actions of new friends and put my guard up more often than I'm comfortable with. If someone suddenly seems to be unavailable or if I hear someone else say something negative about a new friend, I immediately begin to question the situation and wonder if I'm going to get walked over again. I hate that so much! I refuse to change the kind of friend I want to be just because a bad memory puts that awful feeling in my stomach and makes me question someone I truly care about.
I think being single adds to this dilemma. At this point, my world is centered around my friends. I know I have so much love to give and one day that love will be focused on an amazing man and then a family of my own. For now, however, that love is reserved for my friends. I think being single especially adds complication to friendship with those who are married or nearly married. I have much more spare time to devote to these people because I don't have a spouse. They don't have the same amount of spare time to devote to friendship because there is a life-long relationship that they need to focus on. My friends who have children have even less time and energy to devote to outside frienships. That is a basic fact that I am very well aware of and would never attempt to interfere with. I value family so much and I can only imagine that it will not be possible for me to be the same type of friend that I am now once I have a family of my own. I have my doubts about that statement...because I definitely know that I'm an over-achiever when it comes to friendship. Perhaps I will be a devoted wife and mother and still be putting overtime into my frienships. I'm sure some of my friends certainly imagine that to be the most likely scenario. I'm so good at thinking of people at the most random times and coming up with creative ways to let them know that I care. I am the first to admit that my ability to do that is a rare thing in the world we live in. I may be a bit ADD, but for whatever reason I can produce random acts of kindness and balance frienships with many different people at once. I live to make people smile and I don't expect anyone to fully understand that or repay the generosity and love that flow from my heart and soul so freely. I have no problem sending a random card, delivering a favorite snack, making a much-needed phone call, or sending flowers to celebrate an important occasion...all to different people and all in a single day. I may never understand why God made me this way, but I don't question it for one second. I know I was put on this Earth to bless the lives of those around me. I learned that when I was pretty young. I learned it through a very hard lesson and I don't want to relive that time in my life, EVER. So, I live each day to show my loved ones just how much they mean to me. I do become attached easily. I don't know why that is, but I know that those who have been around for the long-run see that there is nothing but sincerity radiating from me as they become equally attached.
"That action is best which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest numbers." -Francis Hutchenson, 1720