Too smart for my own good?????
Tonight I sluggishly arrived at Research class after a loooooong day caused by another night of staying up way too late. The past several weeks, I've found a way to sneak out of class during the break. However, tonight I knew I would not be able to leave because we have a group presentation coming up and my group hasn't done a single thing to start preparing. As I was waiting for class to begin, my professor arrived with a huge stack of papers in his hand. Oh crap...I forgot about that paper I turned in last week and I certainly did not think he would already have it graded!!
As we filed into the classroom and got settled, he started handing out the papers. I did not expect my name to be called first. I got up and met my professor halfway, only to have him say "Excellent work!" as he handed my paper to me and walked away. I felt a sense of relief as I walked back to my table. Immediately, I started thumbing through my paper to find the grade sheet. Who cares about any notes he made; just give me the damn grade already!!! As I arrived at the grade sheet on the back, I glanced down and saw a note from him:
"I rarely give a 30 for this assignment, as it constitutes a perfect score, but you earned it." At this point, I decided it was appropriate to go through and pay attention to any notes left on the paper. There were few, so I went back to the grade sheet to verify what I previously saw. Still in disbelief, I waited until break time to go speak with him about my paper. As I approached, I said, "I know...I shouldn't have any questions about my paper...but..." He cut me off and jokingly said, "Oh, so you want to complain about your grade, eh?" I proceeded to ask my question, only to have him reassure me that my paper was "masterfully written" and the only perfect score he awarded. He then asked if I would email it to him so he can use it in the future as an example. Are you kidding me??? This is a paper that I wrote the day it was due! It took me 7 hours to turn out a "perfect" paper in RESEARCH class??? I am baffled, shocked, dumbfounded, confused. I still don't understand. I talked with a great friend on the way home about the awards I am getting this week (University Scholar and Outstanding Master's Student)...and my guilt about receiving those awards when I do not feel that I've given very much of myself to this Master's program. She laughed at me and said, "Let me get this straight...you feel BAD because you only have to give about 2% of your abilities and people STILL think you are amazing? Damn, I guess if you REALLY tried you could rule the world!" I guess I could decide to put that positive spin on things...why can't I see myself the way others do sometimes? Damn self-esteem...
"If I can't dazzle them with my brilliance, I baffle them with my bullshit" - client, 2008
As we filed into the classroom and got settled, he started handing out the papers. I did not expect my name to be called first. I got up and met my professor halfway, only to have him say "Excellent work!" as he handed my paper to me and walked away. I felt a sense of relief as I walked back to my table. Immediately, I started thumbing through my paper to find the grade sheet. Who cares about any notes he made; just give me the damn grade already!!! As I arrived at the grade sheet on the back, I glanced down and saw a note from him:
"I rarely give a 30 for this assignment, as it constitutes a perfect score, but you earned it." At this point, I decided it was appropriate to go through and pay attention to any notes left on the paper. There were few, so I went back to the grade sheet to verify what I previously saw. Still in disbelief, I waited until break time to go speak with him about my paper. As I approached, I said, "I know...I shouldn't have any questions about my paper...but..." He cut me off and jokingly said, "Oh, so you want to complain about your grade, eh?" I proceeded to ask my question, only to have him reassure me that my paper was "masterfully written" and the only perfect score he awarded. He then asked if I would email it to him so he can use it in the future as an example. Are you kidding me??? This is a paper that I wrote the day it was due! It took me 7 hours to turn out a "perfect" paper in RESEARCH class??? I am baffled, shocked, dumbfounded, confused. I still don't understand. I talked with a great friend on the way home about the awards I am getting this week (University Scholar and Outstanding Master's Student)...and my guilt about receiving those awards when I do not feel that I've given very much of myself to this Master's program. She laughed at me and said, "Let me get this straight...you feel BAD because you only have to give about 2% of your abilities and people STILL think you are amazing? Damn, I guess if you REALLY tried you could rule the world!" I guess I could decide to put that positive spin on things...why can't I see myself the way others do sometimes? Damn self-esteem...
"If I can't dazzle them with my brilliance, I baffle them with my bullshit" - client, 2008
posted by Afton @ 10:38 PM
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