crossroads

it is rarely an easy thing to feel like you are at a crossroad in your life. sometimes we have challenges to face and difficult decisions we do not want to make, but we have no other choice. right now i am overwhelmed with that feeling. there are things going on in my life that are beyond my control. there are people in my life telling me i need to give up my desire to be in control all the time. i am torn in several different directions right now. i am happy with the way my life is going overall, but there are some issues that have me reeling and have my head spinning...friends, family, school, work, health, money, life in general. i imagine that if i could actually give up some control - for instance, let go and let God - my life would have even more balance and more peace than it generally already does. on one hand, i feel like i am mending some old relationships and strengthening bonds. but i have other relationships that need to be ended or otherwise drastically altered. i am so close to finishing school, but i feel driven to continue on and get my pH.d. i need a vacation, but i also need to work more to get caught up on the things i have let slide because of school and life circumstances. there are people and situations i want to confront, but i do not have time for the repercussions of those confrontations. there are new things i want to try, but right now i do not even have time for the things i once spent so much time doing for enjoyment, release, and relaxation. i think i need some time for meditation to clear my mind and start fresh. i am going to have to prioritize so i can handle all of the things i need to handle. however, i cannot deprive myself of the quiet moments or moments of laughter and joy that are so vital to rejuvenating by mind, body, and spirit.