three things that go well together...lip gloss, susan, and BEEEEEEEEES!!!

1. lip gloss: huge milestone with this one...sharing lip gloss with others...not my issue, but the BFF's and apparently, or so she tells me, we reached a new level of friendship the day she allowed me to use her lip gloss...

2. susan: an old friend who came back to visit...and seems to love the BFF just as much as she loves me. unfortunately, we are trying to figure out how in the world we are going to send her away now that she finds a comfy home with both of us. she visits more often than she should and tends to overstay her welcome. but...how do you let her down gently?? someone is bound to get burned...

3. the BEEEEEEEE!!!!: good ol' bees. gotta love 'em. they play such an important role in nature and they are utterly adorable to look at. one day dawn and i went to the ATM so she could deposit some checks, or retrieve some cash...i cannot remember which. i was driving so i allowed her to get out of the car and walk up to the ATM while i sat in the car and talked to her. suddenly a bee flew in through my window and landed on my steering wheel. the cute little booger decided to walk round and round my steering wheel. i am not quite sure what it was looking for, but it was not at all scared of me. however, when i alerted the BFF to my new friend she quickly reminded me that she is deathly allergic to them. i tried to politely encourage the bee to get out of my car, but it landed on the waistband part of my seatbelt and decided to hang out. i drove forward so the damn thing wouldn't fly out and decide to exterminate my friend. i slowly unhooked my seatbelt and slipped my body through it, while the bee was just hanging out doing its thing. as i got out of the car, the sweet-seeking little creature flew toward my pants legs. now, i need you to put the picture of the next events in your mind's eye so you can really imagine them and get the full effect........are you ready? ok, so the thing flies toward my pants and lands on my leg. being the polite, insect-friendly person that i am, i attempted to gently kick the thing off my pants leg. it worked!!!! YES!! however, the bee flew to my other leg. i kicked again. back to the first leg. again. back to the other leg. faster and faster and faster. at this point, i am basically dancing in the middle of the bank of america parking lot while dawn is screaming that she needs to find the camera. i was like, i'm trying to save your life here and you want to take a damn picture of me dancing with this bee!!!!!!!!!!! the thing finally gave up on my pants and flew BACK into the car. it landed right on her freaking debit card. luckily, this time as she scurried behind the car i was able to (at her suggestion) pick the freaking thing up while it was just chilling on the card and carried it over to a bush where it could make its new home. we both JUMPED back into the car and rolled the windows up as fast as we could. THIS COULD ONLY HAPPEN TO US!!!!!!!!!!!! it was a genuine lucy and ethel moment. all i have to say is those bank of america folks MUST have gotten a good laugh if they had ANY reason to review their security tapes on monday.

no worries, we survived...and i promise to write more later!!! i have all the time in the world now.

The E.N.D. of Afton.

The E.N.D. is the title of the new Black Eyed Peas album. If you know me, and my diverse taste in music, perhaps you already know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE...and L-O-V-E...the Black Eyed Peas. However, that is not necessarily relevant here...I just wanted to be able to give them credit for the initial thought that led to this post. At the beginning of their new album, there is a futuristic, robotic voice speaking...and, of course, imparting wisdom...to us. (Please understand that I do not typically credit - or trust, for that matter - pop culture figures with dispersing wisdom; however, in this case, it was thought-provoking and absolutely relevant to my current life situation. This combination of factors influenced my label of this message as wise. Oh, how I digress.). So, the previously mentioned Mr. Robotica-like-orator says: "Everything around you is changing. Nothing stays the same. This version of myself is not permanent. Tomorrow I will be different. The energy never dies."
Since reaching adulthood, my ability to recognize my personality flaws and the life events that shaped those flaws increased ten-fold. Perhaps that is due in large part to my education; perhaps it is due to stepping out of the bubble that once influenced my every decision and action. Becoming an independent thinker is a scary thing. It is, at times, very humbling to realize the person you've become. It is also, at times, sad and disappointing. More often than not, it is exhilarating and empowering. In recent months, some of the people who know me best began making statements about the "change" in my personality within the past few years. Some do not agree with the changes; others support and encourage the changes. For those who do not know me well or have not been able to spend much time in my presence over the past several years, let me elaborate...
My life has always revolved around helping others...but evolved into putting others first in virtually all situations. In the past, I described myself as being loyal and helpful to a fault. This fault, as it turns out, became the sacrifice of my own needs and desires. The older and wiser Afton now has to look back and ask herself: What good does it do to help others when I am only doing it to fill a void within myself? What help am I to others if I cannot even help myself? How can I be honest with others if I am not willing to express my true thoughts and feelings, but lock those up in (what I thought was) an attempt to "protect" the people I care about?
As I am writing this, I literally gave this advice to one of my dearest friends...and it is something I very recently learned for myself: It is easy to become weakened when you are giving everyone else your strength. I don't know what back corner of my mind I pulled that from, but it sums up my entire life at this moment. I became weakened and thought I was on the verge of crumbling until I did something about it. I reached out to those who were my strength and support. I took some time to make sure I was meeting my own needs. I refocused my energy and attention. I am not 100% there yet...not even 60% there yet...but I am working on it. I feel myself changing every day, constantly discovering new things about myself and what I truly want in life. This is such a great feeling. I can only pray that this energy never dies...