What the blog??

This blog is a textual account of my triumphs and struggles in daily life. I've discovered the core of who I am, now is my chance to discover the vital pieces that make up that core. If you know me well enough, I invite you to leave comments. These may be words of encouragement, observations, memories, Bible verses, or whatever else you deem necessary. I'm always open to hearing what my loved ones have to say.

10.14.2007

I don't think I'll ever get married.

Try having that conversation with your parents. My mom took it surprisingly well...as though she already had a clue. I guess I've dropped hints over the last couple of years. Why will I probably never get married? Refer to my previous post entitled "Walls" for most of the answers. In short, I'm an extreme control freak and I don't let people get closer than absolutely necessary. Even my closest friends (past and present) have only been able to achieve a certain amount of closeness. Nobody has ever really been in my world. I've had friends try to explain to me the different level that true intimacy adds to a person's life. Don't get me wrong...I've always had every girl's fantasy of the perfect wedding, strong marriage, and beautiful family. I just don't think I will ever give up enough control to take a relationship to that point. All of my relationships have been short term. I seem to pick people that I can keep at a distance. When they start pushing me to get closer, I cut them loose completely. That is how I function. This is one of the areas of my life that I can't explain. I've been able to trace just about all of my character flaws to specific incidents/causes in my life. This one's still a bit of a mystery. I think I need to go back to therapy. This issue might need a bit of an outside influence to find the answer.

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